Happy Holidays to all.
I hope that as you are reading this that you are one step closer to
having the most festive of holidays. We
at the Pearson household cannot express the profound optimism and feelings of
love and warmth experienced from others during this holiday season. So I
suppose I should start from an update right before thanksgiving and move
towards today so here we go.
Sal was admitted to the hospital at the Mayo Clinic in
Rochester, MN on 11/21 in the early a.m. for a procedure that would seek to eliminate
“Tommy”, her stoma, reconnect her colon and remove what would be an estimated
10-15% of her liver in order to take 3 separate cancerous cells that had
resided on the liver. She was nervous yet
hopeful and we were joined yet again by her parents and brother for the event
to act as supports and cheerleaders as we entered this pivotal stage in her
recovery. Sal showed great resiliency and fortitude and endured an
approximately 6 hours of surgery and another 2 hours in the recovery room. She was drowsy, she was sore, and she was
present. She had an additional 5 inches
added to her 5 inch scar from the Easter surgery amongst other places where
they made smaller cuts which made for quite a bit of discomfort all
around. We saw her for only a few
minutes before she signaled that she needed rest. We
needed some rest as well after a gut wrenching (no pun intended) day for us as
we spent our time waiting for updates by the phone but we knew that all the
emotions we felt were worth it the moment we knew saw was in her hospital room,
#64-12. We all went to bed on
Thanksgiving Eve knowing what we were thankful for.
As the next day approached, Jim, Polly, Joe, and I took
turns in what needed to be done in regards to not only being with Sally but
also celebrating the days of thanks at the Airbnb in which he were all
centrally located. I took it upon myself
to be the chef de jour that day and had a solid game plan of what needed to be
done. The time for dinner was set and we
all ate well, as expected. It was not
necessarily the most fancy or hearty thanksgiving meal I had ever had but being
around family that day was more filling than any food could provide. Sal knew
some time ago that she would have her surgery on thanksgiving eve and she
wanted to have some mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving Day. Although she could not see it at the time,
her plate was served first at our meal.
So the next few days came and went without incident except an increased
and sustained heart rate from Sal. The
doctors scanned her body to see if there was anything that was being detected
as abnormal. It was noted that there
appeared that to be some fluid in her lungs and steps were taken to remedy
that. The next hurdle observed before
discharge came in the shape of “fluid” of some sort residing around her
liver. The plan the doctors made was to
insert a drain next to the liver to determine what the substance was. She was going to have to be cut open again. A very small incision and an hour later we
were relieved to know that the liquid in question was old blood that was left
over as the liver portion of the original surgery concluded. No bile was detected. At that point, Sally was set for her
discharge. All the while though, you could see that Sal was working hard to
gain her mobility, have a regular bowel movement, and to eat regular food at an
age appropriate level. She was able to
accomplish all of these goals but she was in the hospital for right at a 7 day
period before she was able to leave. Sal
can tell you as well as I that we were both ready to be at home amongst our
creature comforts, our creatures, and the knowledge and joy of an upcoming
holiday season.
Sally and I both had the pleasure of my mother being there
when we arrived home from the hospital and she aided me in taking care of Sally
for the next 5 days. I can’t tell you what a wonderful
experience we had with my mom the Saturday before she left in which we went to
get a Christmas tree and then to decorate it.
That day was filled with excitement not only because getting a Christmas
tree is the official start to the holiday season, but that it snowed a few
inches during the day. That combined
made the day seem magical as we commiserated in the warmth and glow of our home
with those we love as the snow feverishly came down. Having been raised in Florida, it was a scene
that was never seen in Florida and rarely experienced in my adult life living
north of the mason/Dixon line with the confluence of time, activity, and the
weather cooperating. It was nice to see my mother again, as it always is, but something seemed different this time. Besides that wonderful day, I noticed something that
brought me joy and reverence. I saw her
act as a primary caregiver to my wife in the times in which I was away at work,
away in the terms of not being mentally there, or when my body finally need
reset from the physical exhaustion I had sustained over a period of time. For those who do not know me well, my mother
acted as a primary caregiver to her father for a few years near the end of his
time on this earth. I watched a woman
act with patience. I watched a woman with
relentless love towards others. I
watched a woman struggle between doing what was right and doing what was
necessary. I watched a woman who put the needs of others well before
herself. The key element of this
disclosure is that I had witnessed her be that for my grandfather some years
ago and all the struggle and low points that she experience but had not
appreciated her service to my wife not only this time but the multiple other
times she had been north to be with us this year. Seeing this made me swell with a type of joy
and pride of which I rarely experience or even know to exist to me
personally. It provided me with an
example of how to act and how to carry oneself and how to look for the “light”
when it appears that darkness is all around.
Thank you mom. I love you more
than any combination of words I could ever express.
So as my mom transitioned out of the house, I once again
became the primary caregiver to sally. I
had to help myself to realize that this was only a temporary position and when
sally recovered, we would be back to a sharing of responsibilities of our lives
together. But this added responsibility
was something I experienced earlier this year and the effects of those efforts
are still being felt by me today. I
think because I view this task with love, I am driven to carry it out without
hesitation and minimal complaining until I find myself exhausted in multiple
areas of my being. I feel as though when I undertake this role, I am working to
provide my wife the comfort and security that her primary responsibility is to
recover. If that means asking her 20
times an hour if she needs something or happily running to the store for a whim
or desire that she may want to doing the chores we both find deplorable and
definitely non preferred, I am happy to do so.
I do so because I know without a doubt that if I was in her current
position, she would do the same for me.
It is important to note that family has played a large role
in Sally’s recovery over these last few weeks and cannot be appreciated
enough. But our friends as well have
made an impact of kindness and warmth that cannot be understated. Two weekends
ago, a friend of mine that I have known for over 12 years now, Erica, came up
to see us from Kanas City for the weekend.
As Sal and I have progressed in our journey through life, we have seen
Erica in many different places around the country. From NYC to PGH to STP to KC, we have enjoyed
her company. I will tell you that every
time I know that an encounter with Erica is forthcoming, a smirky smirk appears
on my face because I know that the results will be excellent in nature. She is a rare creature in this world that
lights up your day and her insight and vitality are things that can only be most
appreciated in person. I could speak to those
interactions but then the previous sentence would somehow be voided. And to
follow that up, this past weekend was just as enjoyable as the one two weeks
ago. You see, Sal has a set of
girlfriends that she has known since the days of her undergrad here at the U of
M that she continues to see and share the collective good times and the bad
that they experience as a group. There
are five other women that make up the group or “gaggle” with Sal that I
reference here and all but one was here last weekend. These women do something for Sal that seems
to be magical in its application. Sal’s
demeanor changes and her ability to remain in the moment holds steady. It seems
as though she regresses back to her college days and the language and the
inside jokes become such that I cannot keep up.
Each lady that surrounds Sal in this gaggle has her own strength and I
am grateful when they make their appearance because they seemingly build her up
in a manner that was previously low and needed attention
It is hard for me to transition from a “light” paragraph to
a paragraph that is more introspective and murky. It is about the concept of struggle versus
progress. I say this in the matter of the
dilemma that Sal and I have faced these last almost 9 months. Some days it is hard for us to see progress
when we may feel as though we struggle constantly. Not every day is a blessing and some days
feel like an eternity. We feel as though
we need to be there for one another but in doing so we cannot fully take care
of ourselves. And there are moments where this struggle does not seemingly show
progress. But progress can be viewed as
either an advance towards a better condition or destination or to move onward
in space or time. Sal and I seemed to be forged by our past to know that
struggle is to be a part of life. This is from what we have experienced
ourselves and what he have been told and believed by those around us. It is hard sometimes to take the advice and
knowledge of others because we either cannot see their progress and perspective
or that we feel that they do not have a concept of our current struggle. Progress can be simple. Progress can be multilayered and met with
struggle at every turn. But struggle is sometimes seen as striving to attain
something in the face of resistance or a determined effort under difficulties. Struggle
is seemingly simple as well. But to
accept the plight and the condition can be difficult. This is where we take solace in the struggles
we have faced previously and hold it against our current struggle. From one struggle to another we make progress
and we progress. This explicit knowledge
helps us to grow but also to aide in seeing the pain and struggle that others
face. From struggle comes knowledge.
From knowledge comes confidence. From
confidence comes planning. And from
planning comes action and then progress. It is cyclical
seemingly but the cycle is not always round in its appearance.
So as I transition to the end of this blog entry, I wish all
who have read it happiness and health during this holiday season. All of the good vibes and prayers and well
wishes and small gifts and holiday cards and texts of encouragement and phone
calls to check in on us have been greatly and humbly received. We cannot fully express the appreciation we
have known these last 9 months because this part of our journey together is
foreign to us and it is something we hope you don’t have to experience on such
a personal and soul gripping level. Even though the above paragraphs may not
show total positivity or progress, I want to convey that progress is being had,
both on a personal level as well as what Sal and I see together. And we remain optimistically positive despite
the darker reflections recounted above. We are still in the midst of her
struggle with this diagnosis. There will
be more tests and doctor appointments in the days following the New Year and we
will share that information as to the plan and purpose once it is fully known and
digested by us. So for now, we wish you
Happy Holidays. Talk to you soon.
