Chemo #4

Chemo #4 is in the books. One-third of the way through!!! For those of you who have known me long, particularly in my college days/early twenties, I really enjoy fractions. In particular, I would keep close attention to the mile markers on my drive home to Twin Lakes from Minneapolis. On countless trips, I would think, “Oh! There is mile-marker 138. I’m half-way there!” or “Exit 95, I’m done with one-third of my journey.” So we’ll call this entry Exit 95.

This chemo treatment and recovery were much easier to handle. It was simpler to prepare for, without the added stress and grief I have in the previous treatment. Also, my parents were visiting and it was good to experience this with them. I know it is not easy for my family to be far away, especially during treatment. I find it to be a painless, boring process in which it is not necessary for others to come to. However, I have to remind myself that experiencing it with loved ones is important. It connects us, and gives them a greater understanding of my treatment. So I welcome the companionship. My parents and I used the chemo time to continue going through family photos and organizing them. We had some great laughs and sentimental moments in the process.

Per usual, I had a new chemo shirt. This time it was given to me by my husband. It was the first chemo he did not attend, so I really appreciated him giving me a token of him. It’s actually the shirt he bought for himself for my chemo- Black Sabbath’s Born Again. That statement can mean different things for different people. I suppose for me, life as I knew it ended on March 30, the day of my diagnosis. This is a new life, a new reality. So in a way, I’m born again.

My side effects actually lessened in strength, but prolonged. This is more preferred than shortened, more intense effects. I had little taste distortion, which is extremely helpful with maintaining my hydration. Previously, both water and milk were intolerable for a few days. I also did not have much fatigue, which makes exercising much easier. After treatment, I went on a 15-mile bike ride and my mom was able to join me for river path part. My previous path and park I went to after chemo changed, but for the good. It was nice to sit in different spot for my breathing exercises, and have my parents close.

Since treatment, I’ve had some really great times, and one we’ll just call a good learning experience. My good friend Beth was up visiting and it was coincidentally her birthday weekend. So Friday, we had a great night out with other close friends. However, in the middle of dinner I had a really bad colostomy bag break. I had to leave the restaurant immediately to go home and clean up. It was awkward to handle, and an unfortunate reminder that despite my best efforts, things aren’t normal. I had a good cry, licked my wounds and went back out to join the group again. I learned that despite my best efforts, these things will happen and it’s okay. The important thing is to not let it keep me down.  

On Sunday, I went to the Pride parade in Minneapolis with Kelly and her friends. We biked there, which was a nice opportunity to bike part of the Cities I don’t usually go to. The parade was MASSIVE. There were tens of thousands of on-lookers and over 150 different participating groups marching. It was wonderful gathering of support and love. I’m proud to be an ally.

Tuesday marked the nine-year anniversary of Paul and my first date. Big to-do’s are not our style, but given all we have been through it was important to celebrate. Nine years is just the beginning for us, and it’s such a delight to enjoy someone’s company for both big events and simple, daily encounters. We took the opportunity to get some fantastic Greek food and see the documentary on Mr. Rogers- Won’t You Be My Neighbor. It brought back such wonderful childhood memories, and yet another overwhelming feeling love and compassion. I loved it, and highly recommend seeing it. Be prepared to cry though. Lots of crying in that theatre. But crying is not a bad thing. I’m learning that more and more. Fully experiencing what you go through everyday and letting things soak in for all the “feels” is far better than moving quickly and hoping for better things to come. The best things are around you now.

Sally Forth.

Chemo #3

Prepping for Chemo #3 was far more of a mental/emotional test, as my family was struck with some devastating news. My uncle was killed in a head-on collision days before in Southeastern Wisconsin where I’m from. I was fortunate to have my brother visiting the very next day, so we could console each other and redirect our energy and emotions to the value of our own lives and appreciating how important our health and this cancer fight is for my whole family. I then went to Wisconsin to see my larger family, sharing old memories as we went through countless photos. I had to balance the strong desire to be with my family with my need to prepare my body for chemo. I still walked every day, and my family was so good about making sure my food had optimal nutrition, and I was getting enough rest.

The day before chemo, I said my good byes, headed into Chicago to catch a flight back home, and briefly stopped at my office to see coworkers just before. I have been working remotely for over a year, and it has been my work travel that allows me to see colleagues. Since my diagnosis, I have been homebound. So while short lived, it was so wonderful to see everyone. Using the term coworkers or colleagues does not do these people justice. They are truly friends and companions. I’ve spent more time with them over the past five years than anyone besides my husband. Stopping in, sharing hugs and laughs, then heading to the airport on the train was a wonderful ending to my trip. It reconnected me, and reminded me I’m still kickin, I’m still ME despite the cancer.

I had to reschedule my bloodwork from Tuesday to first thing Wednesday morning before chemo due to my travels. I was very nervous going in. I knew if my counts were low I would blame myself for traveling. But luckily for me, everything was great. My oncologist told me my counts looked like I had never had chemo before, and whatever I’m doing- keep doing it. Such a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was actually EXCITED to be plugged up to IV bags for 5 hours of chemo!

#3 was much like 1 and 2. The small nuances, like when my body gets warmer during the 2-hour connected to Folfox IV, are now expected. Just as I know my fingers will already start tingling before I get out of the car at home due to the neuropathy. They are subtle side effects, and I strangely welcome them. They are reminders in the instant of the power of these drugs. I take these moments to visualize the drugs’ path through my body, destroying my cancer. I take these moments to realize how healthy I feel, despite these extreme drugs, and how strong that makes me.

The shirt I wore this chemo was compliments of my dear friend Kelly and it’s from a really great company, https://www.stillkickin.co/. Started by the widow of a man taken by brain cancer, Still Kickin’s mission is to sell products and donate proceeds to those in need in order to create a safety net for people who find themselves going through truly awful life events. I left chemo with my Still Kickin shirt, and went on my walk of the neighborhood.

The next day, I went on a bike ride to Minnehaha Falls with my cousin Moe. She came to visit for my chemo and recovery, and we had a great 14 mile ride. My recover days all went smoothly. Some of my side effects are lasting longer than the first couple of treatments. Even a week later, I still was experiencing neuropathy, a few foods having distorted tastes, and subtle sores on my mouth. It’s a good reminder that I have been fortunate with how quickly I’ve been recovering, and that most likely these side effects with compound with more and more treatments.

This wasn’t the easiest post to write. I put it off for days. While I started this blog to be open and sharing, the emotions and grieving that have been the past two weeks are not something I cared to present on here. On the flip side, presenting a positive, enthusiastic front about how smoothly my treatment and recovery have gone gave me some guilt. I suppose it is what it is. Just remember how important your loved ones are. Be there for them when you can, and tell them you love them. No one hears that too much.

Sally Forth.