Chemo #3

Prepping for Chemo #3 was far more of a mental/emotional test, as my family was struck with some devastating news. My uncle was killed in a head-on collision days before in Southeastern Wisconsin where I’m from. I was fortunate to have my brother visiting the very next day, so we could console each other and redirect our energy and emotions to the value of our own lives and appreciating how important our health and this cancer fight is for my whole family. I then went to Wisconsin to see my larger family, sharing old memories as we went through countless photos. I had to balance the strong desire to be with my family with my need to prepare my body for chemo. I still walked every day, and my family was so good about making sure my food had optimal nutrition, and I was getting enough rest.

The day before chemo, I said my good byes, headed into Chicago to catch a flight back home, and briefly stopped at my office to see coworkers just before. I have been working remotely for over a year, and it has been my work travel that allows me to see colleagues. Since my diagnosis, I have been homebound. So while short lived, it was so wonderful to see everyone. Using the term coworkers or colleagues does not do these people justice. They are truly friends and companions. I’ve spent more time with them over the past five years than anyone besides my husband. Stopping in, sharing hugs and laughs, then heading to the airport on the train was a wonderful ending to my trip. It reconnected me, and reminded me I’m still kickin, I’m still ME despite the cancer.

I had to reschedule my bloodwork from Tuesday to first thing Wednesday morning before chemo due to my travels. I was very nervous going in. I knew if my counts were low I would blame myself for traveling. But luckily for me, everything was great. My oncologist told me my counts looked like I had never had chemo before, and whatever I’m doing- keep doing it. Such a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was actually EXCITED to be plugged up to IV bags for 5 hours of chemo!

#3 was much like 1 and 2. The small nuances, like when my body gets warmer during the 2-hour connected to Folfox IV, are now expected. Just as I know my fingers will already start tingling before I get out of the car at home due to the neuropathy. They are subtle side effects, and I strangely welcome them. They are reminders in the instant of the power of these drugs. I take these moments to visualize the drugs’ path through my body, destroying my cancer. I take these moments to realize how healthy I feel, despite these extreme drugs, and how strong that makes me.

The shirt I wore this chemo was compliments of my dear friend Kelly and it’s from a really great company, https://www.stillkickin.co/. Started by the widow of a man taken by brain cancer, Still Kickin’s mission is to sell products and donate proceeds to those in need in order to create a safety net for people who find themselves going through truly awful life events. I left chemo with my Still Kickin shirt, and went on my walk of the neighborhood.

The next day, I went on a bike ride to Minnehaha Falls with my cousin Moe. She came to visit for my chemo and recovery, and we had a great 14 mile ride. My recover days all went smoothly. Some of my side effects are lasting longer than the first couple of treatments. Even a week later, I still was experiencing neuropathy, a few foods having distorted tastes, and subtle sores on my mouth. It’s a good reminder that I have been fortunate with how quickly I’ve been recovering, and that most likely these side effects with compound with more and more treatments.

This wasn’t the easiest post to write. I put it off for days. While I started this blog to be open and sharing, the emotions and grieving that have been the past two weeks are not something I cared to present on here. On the flip side, presenting a positive, enthusiastic front about how smoothly my treatment and recovery have gone gave me some guilt. I suppose it is what it is. Just remember how important your loved ones are. Be there for them when you can, and tell them you love them. No one hears that too much.

Sally Forth.